Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize