sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
