Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
