Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
