I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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