belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
