We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
