I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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