I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
