just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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