Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
