I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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