omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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