She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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