please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
