last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
