I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
