whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
