the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
