If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
