he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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