things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
