everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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