you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
