some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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