I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
