sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
