'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
