You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
