If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My sheets look like a crime scene.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
