i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
