My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
being pregnant is like rehab
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
