So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
