My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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