I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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