I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
