i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
