Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just had sex bonerless
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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