I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
