I don't think brook has ever known best
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
