If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
