i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
