The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
