If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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