If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.