I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous