Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
