i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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