Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful