ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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