Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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