I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
