can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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