Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize