It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
