We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize