what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
love makes seman taste better
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
