member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
