craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
