i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
