eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Mom said you looked used
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
