Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the day after is always just damage control
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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