she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
