Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
