I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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