My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
